Tim_Feb14 - Feb27 (Laos)

Feb 14
We woke up early to catch our all day bus to Luang Namtha. Having seen the town and the people from before I was ready for and interesting ride. Sure enough when we got to the "bus station" there were only two small buses. Interesting. Our driver bought the tickets for us and helped us get on the bus then zoomed out of sight.

There were only about four locals on the bus so we had a good choice of seats. That's always a stressful time since you have to try and be strategic on which seat is the best. I chose the one seat near the door and Ana and Vane got the double seat across from me. I didn't really have anywhere to set my feet but I was banking on the ability to stretch my legs out. Hopefully that would counter act the sucky foot room I had.

Eventually like all third world countries the bus filled up with people and tons of shit and people. It was wonderful to watch people continue to poor in with their numerous bags on vegetables, t-shirts, and car parts. You name it they travel with it like that bus is some kind of semi truck/people bus. Oh man it was great and in the end we were head to toe people with about six people sitting on the floor with rice bags and one older guy on a small plastic chair. The driver's helper jumped in and was barely able to close the door. He was going to have to stand up the entire trip. Being that full meant only one thing - we were ready to go and I heard the engine start up. Away we went bouncing down the road.

The ride to the next city was overall not as bad as I had expected. There were of course a few more stops along the road to pick up yet more people. That was to be expected and it was getting so crowded on the floor people were on top of each other. I was lucky I got the seat I did and only had trouble keeping my feet on the small four inch ledge available to me. It could have been worse.

The countryside while driving was interesting. Tons of huts on stilts. That seems to be the way they build things here. I bet it's for the heat as well as the animals. Probably helps having your house on stilts in the rainy season as well. Either way the people looked poor and the villages looked real. It was nice to be in a country with some tooth on the edges. I love Thailand but it's lost it's bite and now feels more like a civilized country. Laos was still rough and I liked the change.

We stopped for lunch along the way and I had a bowl of diarrhea. Well it wasn't that yet but looking at the kitchen it came from I was sure in a few hours it was going to be that. But oh well down the hatch it went and I did the old Catholic sign on my chest and burped. I told my stomach "show me what you got baby".

Vane and Ana didn't dare eat anything and I was getting the feeling they might both be losing some weight in this country.

The bus horn honked and we all jumped back in and headed down the road again. The roads were really dirty and dusty and their was an ENORMOUS amount of construction going on. The terrain was one hundred percent hills covered in dense vegetation. It was really impressive to watch them carving up all the mountains to make the road. It was really impressive and I wondered how they ever got the money to create those roads? In the end I found out that China and Thailand was footing the bill. They wanted a better land link between them. Made sense.

By the time we finally reached our city it was evening and both Vane and I had brown dusty shoulders from having the windows open. It was pretty funny. We were all pretty tired and we dropped Vane with the bags and Ana and I searched for a place. We found an ok place for a decent price. The places were pretty rough around the edges but it would have to do.

We dropped our bags quickly and hit the town to try and secure a two day trek for the following two days. We were really lucky and in about one hour we were able to find an agency and lock in a two day tour that took us through a couple villages and some jungle.

After locking down our tour we headed back to the hotel to hit the showers. Luckily the showers were warm and we were grateful for that. After we all knocked the dust off our butts we headed out to check out the small town and see what we could find for dinner. It was Valentines day and I told the girls they could go to any restaurant they wanted and order anything they wanted. That was a joke since the town had about two restaurants.

In the end we found a nice little place that served not so nice food. But what the hell it was food and we still enjoyed it. The one things that was actually exceptionally good was the ice coffee. Damn it was solid. It was rich and tasted like something from Starbucks. I loved it and ordered a second one. Sure enough I was wired by the end of the night. I forgot it was coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Heeee Heee. Coffeee Cofffeeeeeee. Coughhhhhhheeee. That tickles my tongue when I say it.

It took till about 6:00am for me to slow down to a mild roar and stop counting all the dots on the ceiling that night.











Feb 15
We woke up early and packed up our small packs for the hike. Since it was only an overnight hike we were able to fit all of our gear in our small packs and put our large packs in storage.

We held up the local bank to get some cash before heading to the place we would be picked up for the hike. With our gear in hand we jumped in the Tuk Tuk with four other people. They seemed pretty cool at first. The British couple were really funny and I knew we would get along with them. The girl from Korea seemed cool but didn't speak much English. The older French girl seemed ok but the only problem was she was French.

After a fifteen minute drive we jumped out in a little village like area and hit the toilets. There were about fifty people scattered all over the place and my overall impression was that they didn't want us there. They seemed really introverted and had no desire to interact with us. Even the children which usually around the world interact with funny looking people. Instead these children stayed quiet and had a bland stare on their faces. It was that or they ran away. Really weird. I didn't like the vibe that was in the air and was ready to hit the trail.

Sure enough we hit the trail and the first few miles were pretty much straight up and out of the valley. The trails in these countries don't zigzag they just go straight up no matter how steep it was. The weather was a little humid so it didn't take long before I needed to turn on the windshield wipers on my forehead.

We struggled for about the first few hours before we finally took lunch on a beautiful hut built on the edge of a jungle valley. The French lady was having some trouble with the hills and we kept having to wait for her. But it was cool with me since it gave me a chance to relax.

The view of the valley while eating lunch was really spectacular. The wind was blowing in the trees and it was a great atmosphere. Lunch was served to us on a banana leave and we all got a little woven jar of sticky rice to eat the food with. I thought I had eaten sticky rice before but when I reached my hand in to grab a hunk I realized I hadn't. That rice was amazingly sticky. You could easily make a baseball and pitch it to someone. I bet if they hit it with a bat it wouldn't even fall apart.

As we ate lunch I wondered how well my stomach would be able to digest that sticky rice. Would it remain the same shape as when I stuffed it in my mouth? My butt shivered at the though. Could I make heart shapes or clover shapes and would they stay that shape? I didn't want to find out so I started eating really small balls of sticky rice with my food. I could handle goat pellets but not elephant pellets.

With lunch in the gullet we geared up again and started walking. We walked for about five hours that day which was a pretty good hike. Vane did great hiking even though this was only her third hike. Crazy girl. She was a little slow on the downhills but did great overall.

We reached the final village in the evening and claimed our beds for the night. We were all next to each other in a large hut on the floor. They had a decent mat for us and blankets which was surprising to see.

After settling our beds we headed out to check out the river. Vane decided she wanted to go out on the make shift raft with the guide. It was pretty funny to watch as they both keep almost falling in. But in the end Vane was victorious and didn't fall.

It looked like good fun and after a while I decided to join them in the river as well. It wasn't the cleanest but what the heck.

We swam and joked around for about a half an hour before we got out and dried off. I felt much better and almost like I had taken a shower.

In the evening we walked around the village a little and checked it out. I didn't feel very welcome and the people lacked any real expression. Even the kids again? It was weird. No where in the world can you contain the curiosity and craziness of a child. But here in this country they were distant and cold. They were too small to understand what was going on and I wondered if genetics played into it? It was weird and sad at the same time.

After walking around for a little bit and checking out all the dead looking people and crazy animals all over the place we headed to a hut to have dinner and meet with the chief of the village. I was really interested to meet with him and see what he had to say.

Dinner turned out to be ok. The food was mostly sticky rice with vegetables prepared in different ways. The meat looked iffy so I stayed away from it. The girl who prepared the meal was also going around with shots of the local rice whiskey. Damn that stuff will put hair on your chest. We all drank some and it even had a little kick to it.

At the end of the meal we talked with the chief. Our guide was the translator and it was interesting to hear his stories and his point of view. He was a very simple and strong man and when he spoke he talked with his head looking at the floor most of the time. I wondered what the world must have looked like to him.

After dinner we sat outside out hut for a little bit. The locals had made us a fire and we sat around staring at the flames. Eventually I had to head to the toilet and drop a bomb. I was in for it since there was no light and I didn't want to turn on my flashlight since everyone within a hundred miles could see me squatting above the rim. It was a complicated mission that ended with a bloop and me smiling in the dark. Direct hit baby!

I decided after my successful mission I had best call it a night and catch some sleep before the next big day. I had told Vane to change beds with me because there were allot of ants near her bed and she was really scared of them. That turned out to be a good move because as soon as I crawled under the large bug net protecting us from the insects I killed a cockroach right near Ana's head. I didn't bother waking her up since it would only have freaked her out more. I was a little worried though since it was also right near my pillow as well. So in the interest of safety I put my earplugs in that night. I didn't need any roaches laying eggs in my ears that night.










Feb 16
We woke up pretty early to have some more nasty rice with breakfast and head out. Vane wasn't digging the food and was getting pretty hungry. We would have to get her some food when we got back in town.

The first part of the hike that day was pretty easy as we followed the bank of the river. It was a pleasant hike will a mild downhill to it. At one point we had to cross cut through the jungle to catch the trail again. I wasn't too happy about this since there are allot of unexploded bombs and landmines in the raw jungle. But in the end we all made it through with out feet and some muddy shoes.

Lunch was in a little village that was pretty uninteresting. The venders were a hard sell and it got a little annoying. It could have been worse though.

We continued to hike the rest of the day through some pretty amazing jungle. There wasn't much virgin forest left in all of Laos due to the logging and the war. Laos has the title for being the most bombed country in the world. The US ran bombing campaigns for years that averaged 2.2 million dollars in bombs a day. Can you imagine? WOW.

The virgin forest we were able to hike through was really magical. The canopy was thick and the bamboo and trees were massive. Really magical and the wind made it all sounds so much more amazing. Really cool experience.

At the end of the trail we had to ascent another large section with the French girl and her new massive basket she bought in the village far behind. But we waited for her and all was good. The funny thing was when we started going down hill Vane was a little slower and we let the group, along with French girl continue ahead. Eventually we caught up to them and they were waiting. The first thing the French girl said was "Finally we've been waiting for over a half an hour for you". What an idiot and proved to my why we should call our "French fries" - "Freedom fries" instead. I couldn't believe that lady. Whatever. What can I say she's French.

With her idiot comment to the wind we headed down the trail to finish the trip in another village. We were all pretty tired from the journey and you could see it in our faces as we drove back to town.

Once back in town we hit the showers and grabbed some sustenance. I think Vane was happy to not have to eat sticky rice again. I must say I was also pretty happy.

We all crashed pretty hard that night. We had an early morning bus again which was sure to be fun.











Feb 17
We woke up early once again to catch the early morning bus. I was getting pretty tired of waking up early and it was starting to feel like I was back in the work force again. I HATE waking up early.

We headed to the local restaurant to grab some quick breakfast before we hit the road again. Ana and Vane had some French bread with butter and I had some French toast that ended up tasting surprisingly good. The French toast was a little heavy but it went down smooth and I was happy to have it in my belly.

About two hours down the never ending twisty roads of upper Laos I realized that French bread in my belly wasn’t the best thing to have there. It was rolling all over the place and was starting to make me a little sick.

Sure enough over the course of the day that French bread keep rolling all over and fighting with me. The driver drove pretty slow overall keeping the turns under nine G’s or so.

In the end the nine hour bus ride was pretty tough and I ended up taking two Dramamine pills. Those pills left me drowsy and left me with a head that keep fishing all over the place.

Once we finally arrived to Laung Prabang I was pretty excited. The ride was long and we rolled into town just as the sun was setting. We grabbed a local tuk tuk and headed into the area of town we wanted to stay. We were all pretty tired and of course the first place we went to was full. So we tried another and that was full. So we tried another and that was full. Shit we were in a town late with trouble finding a place. Those kind of frustrating moments are fertile grounds for me to start getting green eyes and my muscles to start growing. Soon after that I tear off my shirt and go crazy.

But luckily that night I found a guest house with an AMAZING room for about triple what we paid for our room in the last city. It was pricy but we took it. The hotel girl said it was the last room and I only had five minutes to get Ana and come back. Luckily we made it in time since the there were two people waiting to take our room when we got there. What a crazy, busy, overpriced, touristy little town.

As Ana and Vane walked into the room they were in Augh. They keep saying “Wow look at this room” and “Tim you are so handsome” and “Tim you’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met” or something like that. Either way they loved the room and we were all happy to be there. The room was so nice and clean and even had cable TV, a hot shower, and an air conditioner. Can you believe that! We were ecstatic.

We all dropped our bags and jumped on our semi soft beds and switched on the TV to watch some local Lao channels. But to our surprise we even found two English channels one which was HBO. Can you believe that! This place is crazy pimp and we were rolling in style. I knew from that point on I could survive Laos.

Later that night we headed down to street to grab some dinner at a local place that was pretty good and get some TV supplies. We even found Double Stuff cookies which was amazing. I tell you I love this country soooooo much.

TV time in the evening was pretty special and we even got the chance to watch “Shark Tale”. I fell asleep that night and for the first time since the trip started I felt like I was home.











Feb 18
There was a TV in our room and Double Stuff by my side. That pretty much sums up most of what we did for the whole day. We bathed in bad food, cold air-conditioned air, and mind numbing television and it was wonderful. I didn’t feel at all bad for being so bad. It was my time to do nothing and we had earned it.

In the evening we did actually head down to the local night market which meant we had to walk. I was REALLY against the whole idea of moving from the bed but in the end gave into the powers of persuasion from my wife. The market was ok and had allot of the same junk you see around most Asian countries. Same Same but different.

After the market we retreated to our heavenly room and continued to be mindless, numb, and lazy. Ahhhh it was great. At some point I fell asleep. Probably with an Oreo in my mouth and a half empty beer bottle on my fat stomach.










Feb 19
Woke up late and lazed around the hotel room till about mid afternoon. Ana and Vane got up early and actually got some stuff done like by an airline ticket, withdraw money and walk more than the distance to the local food store. I’m not sure where they got the energy to do so much. I was having trouble just flipping over so I could watch television.

Finally though after starring at my favorite person my HBO I decided it was time to walk to the local food stall for some lunch. I had some noodles which were really great. There a local noodle that they soak in a broth and serve to you with meat and some vegetables on the side. It’s allot like the soup called “Pho” in Vietnam and I’m really starting to dig it.

After walking more than two thousand inches to the local food stall for lunch I was dead tired and had to resort to the room for a couple hours of rest and time with Mr. HBO. I invited Mr. AC and Mr. Double Stuff to the mid afternoon party and it was fabulous.

Around 3:30 we decided it was time to leave the room again and venture out into the scary and oh so real “real world”. I had heard it outside the window all day and it was time to go check it out.

The evening was starting to cool down and we headed down to the Mekong river edge to have some shakes and maybe some food. Luckily we found a table overlooking the river and sat down to test the food. Luckily we only ordered some shakes and egg roles because the food was mediocre and the malaria carrying monsters were all over us. For some reason those winged devils were all over us. I think it was the smell of Vane’s feet that was attracting them. Actually maybe that was helping fend them off. Either way they smelled and those small winged helpers of satin were in full force.

We ditched the old joint and walked decided to have some overpriced pizza in a little shop near the center. The food turned out ok and was heavily influenced by the French. That was a good thing since Laos pizza without that influence could be really bad news.

Since we had done so much this day I decided we should head back to the room before we got ourselves too tired and maybe even sick. So after a stop at the local market for some beer we headed back to the comfort of our room and away from the unpredictable and often scary “real world”.

Ana fell asleep even before we got back to the room so Vane and I had to watch “War of the Worlds” with that sexy Tom Cruise all by ourselves. It was pretty funny since Vane had never seen it and was on the edge of her bed all night. At one point I threw a paper and hit her on the arm and she about jumped out of her skin. It was pretty mean but at the same time pretty funny. Poor thing has to deal with a pain in the butt brother in law.

Eventually the movie ended and we all sleep and tried to gather strength for another tough day of relaxing.










Feb 20
We all woke up at a decent time despite the fact we only sleep about twelve hours the previous day and only had two naps. We jumped out of bed and headed to the local bike shop to rent some bikes.

With our passport in hawk and three dollars missing we were on our way down the crazy Laos streets. Ana and Vane were much more comfortable on a bicycle than a motorcycle and it showed. They were weaving threw traffic like professionals.

First stop was at a famous temple. Since this was only the three hundred, six million, and thirty point five seventh fifteenth seventh sixth fifth temple I’ve seen on this trip you can only imagine how excited I was when were arrived at the gate. After paying a mere one US dollar to get in the temple we headed inside to explore Laos’s “most beautiful temple”. I walked quietly with my camera in hand ready to capture anything that moved. Sure enough the temple was superb. Or should I say spectacular. Or should I say just like every other temple I’ve seen just smaller, older, and more boring.

After taking three photos and walking around for a while we headed out and back onto our bikes. We must have biked at least six million more millimeters before we stopped once again to grab another shake by the river. Fortunately I won the game of Russian pineapple shake roulette and go the best tasting shake this joint made – pineapple. It was great Ana’s and Vane’s mixed fruit shake just didn’t cut it. It kind of had a monkey butt after taste to it.

After shakes we headed to the internet café to avoid the mid day sun and do some more typing and catching up on the old blog.

In the evening when the sun started loosing some of its strength we headed down to the main drag to catch some dinner at a local dinner looking place we had spotted earlier in the day.

Dinner turned out to be pretty good and we were all pretty satisfied. After dinner I headed back to town to catch some more time on the computer while Vane and Ana headed to the market to shop a little and pick up a BeerLao shirt.

The rest of the evening was pretty typical with me running the usual twenty miles at the end of the day, fighting off numerous hot model chicks trying to jump my bones, and saving a few lives in a massive fire that engulfed a small village.

I was so tired after the evening I even fell asleep in my superhero suit.










Feb 21
Of course all the buses in Laos seem to run at the dead early morning hours when the sky is still grey and should be snoring away in bed that’s too short so my feet hang off.

Sure enough we got up and caught the 5:30 local bus to Vang Vieng. I was kind of excited to get there since it sounded like a pretty chill city waste a few days in.

The seven hour bus ride went off pretty smooth and I was actually able to sleep for most of it with the help of my Benadril. I popped a couple of those pills after I saw the guy handing out plastic bags to everyone before we hit the road. Those are Lao vomit bags and I didn’t want to be filling mine up that day.

I think we hit the town around 1:00. We got dropped off next to a large dirt lot and they said we were close to town. Man I love that feeling.

We walked into town and dropped off Ana at the closest restaurant with shade. She wasn’t felling too well and was starting too get sick. So with Ana in the shade sipping a pineapple shake we headed out to find the best hotel deal in town.

The sun was hot and the searching was interesting. We were finding places with a huge different in price and eventually found a pad with AC and a decent view of the river for fifteen dollars a night.

We headed back and picked up Ana. By the time we got to her we decided it was best to rest a little in the shade and have a shake before we ventured back to the hotel.

We walked back to the hotel and dumped off our bags. Ana wasn't feeling so well so we stayed in the AC for a while and waited for that burning campfire in the sky to settle down.

Toward the evening Ana was feeling better and we headed to town to grab some eats. Allot of the restaurants in town had seats that were like beds that you could lie down and watch TV while eating. It was pretty cool and seemed like a chill town. It also looked like a pretty heavy drug town which brought allot of hippie wasters in. But oh well we were only there for a few days and we had to make the best of it.

We found a little local dive that advertised it had "Special Shakes". We though we'd see how good they were and ordered a couple. It turned out the shakes were really good and strong and the food was excellent as well. Ana and Vane got a chicken salad that was pretty killer and I got a sandwich.

We chilled there for a while watching Shrek. The TV was fine in the beginning but started getting kind of distorted toward the end and we decided it was time to head back to the room and chill for a little bit.

We had a blast in the room joking around and playing the card game "Uno". Man I haven't played that game since I was a kid. It was great playing and I felt like a kid playing the game.

Eventually we all got pretty tired and decided it was time to hit the wheat for the night.











Feb 22
We woke up late and kind of lazed around for a while. Ana wasn't feeling good and I didn't like the fact that she was running such a high fever. We just came from the hike in the remote north jungle and our guides had said they all got Malaria a few times. I was really hoping Ana didn't have anything like that since we were pretty far from any good medical attention. All we could do was wait and hope she felt better.

We were all pretty burned out anyways and Ana feeling sick just gave us a reason to do nothing for most of the day. Eventually we got out of the room to grab some lunch at a local place. The bed type seating areas and the TV meant we were there for about two hours watching a movie and eating. It was chill though and we made the best of it.

Evening came quick and the day seemed to pass with us doing much of nothing. Man what losers. Oh well. We headed to the same place we had eaten before for some more great shakes and chicken salads. Vane had a crush on the older Indian looking waiter so I think that's the main reason we headed back to that place. Since Ana wasn't feeling so good she just had some soup but Vane and I tore it up. We were hungry and thirsty.

Another lazy wasted day down the tubes - Kurrrrrrfllluusshhhhhhhhh ..blooooop...blop.blop.










Feb 23
We woke up at a decent time to grab some food and start the day. Ana was feeling better and decided she wanted to go tubing with us. Tubing was the main thing to do in this town and just required you jumping in a large tracker tire tube and floating down the river for about three hours. That's three hours minus the time needed to stop off at the make shift bars along the way.

Around 1:00 we headed to the place to grab our tubes and hit the toxic river for some fun. We all piled in the Tuk Tuk and it took us up river to the launch point. It wasn't too far and soon enough we were jumping in our tubes and hitting the river. The mountains along the river were spectacular and it was a pretty sweat idea this tubing thing.

It only took about two minutes for us to stop off at the second bar type thing on the side of the river to grab some beers. We got out of the tubes and jumped up on the bamboo platform. There were some other people there and they were jumping off the large platform. It was a pretty good jump and about twenty feet in the air. Vane looked like she wanted to try and jump and I told her go ahead if she wanted to. It was pretty high but if she wanted I told her I would wait in the water for her. She told us she wanted to do it herself and away she went up the latter.

I was pretty impressed at her courage. She's never really jumped off anything high and there she was about twenty feet in the air. Those crazy Caldera sisters. Vane was pretty scared and everyone started watching her and cheering her on. I was a little worried she would go too deep into the water and not be good at swimming to the surface. But she seemed pretty determined to do it herself and I didn't want to get in her way.

Eventually after a few minutes of cheering and her being scared she jumped. But she jumped the way someone who's never really jumped from heights jumped. She kind of fell off and tried to reach the water with her hands. Of course she came down flat and belly flopped hard in the water. Poor thing. I could tell the minute she jumped she was going to be in some pain.

I jumped in the water to grab her and help her to shore. When you smack that hard it takes it out of you and swimming is the last thing you want to do. Everyone clapped and we swam to shore. Poor Vane had some pretty good red marks on her right arm and leg. But she was a good sport about it and grabbed her beer and away we went down the stream. Crazy Vane.

Since both the girls had no real experience being in a tube and paddling it was pretty funny to watch them try to control the tube. Most of the time they were paddling in circles. It was a good time and we continued floating down the river for the next few hours drinking and laughing.

It was a good time and I didn't really realize how drunk I was till I stopped at one place to drain the main vein. I about fell out of my tube and I'm sure I looked like an idiot. Man was I that drunk? Damn BeerLao was strong beer. Luckily I was able to make it back into my tube and head down the river.

Vane ended up getting about as drunk as I did and we all had a good time. In the end we jumped ashore and walked back into town to turn in our tubes. It was a good time and the day was pretty much over by then.

Ana had started not feeling so good toward the end and we headed back to the room for her to rest and chill. Her fever was back up again and I was starting to get a little worried she did have Malaria. All I could do was wait for one more day and see how things went. If she got worse we were going to bus to the next town and catch a flight to Bangkok.

Ana was sick and Vane and I were drunk. It didn't take long for all of us to start sawing some logs.










Feb 24
This day started like many of the previous days her with us being bums and feeling pretty burned out. There wasn't allot to do so we seemed to be lazy and unexcited in general. I think we were having a pretty good time it's just we weren't doing that much.

In the afternoon we decided we would grab a local taxi to see the caves. I wasn't expecting too much but it was something to do and Ana wasn't one hundred percent yet. She was feeling better though and that made me happy to see. No malaria just a regular old cold.

The retard driver we got wasn't much help but eventually we found our way to the cave from where he had dropped us off and climbed the massive stairs to the entrance. Once inside there wasn't really much to see but some stalactites and stalagmites. Man I've been waiting a long time to use those words and sound like I know what I'm talking about.

After we wandered through the cave for a while we headed back to the town to grab some dinner and chill away the rest of the day. I was getting a little tired of doing nothing in that town and ready to hit the road the next day to another town that had nothing to do as well.

For dinner Vane and I shared a "Special Pizza" which turned out to be pretty unspecial. Oh well we had to try it.

That afternoon we packed and chilled and got yet some more sleep.










Feb 25
Getting up that morning turned out to be pretty rough. The week of debauchery had caught up to me and I was pooped out. I think Vane was hurting a little as well but did a better job of hiding it than me.

We threw our dead body bags on our backs and headed down the dusty roads to the bus stop. We were able to catch the 6:30am local bus which was pretty sweat. I was a little worried we were going to miss it.

The bus ride was only four hours long and I pretty much slept through most of it. Of course I chose a seat that didn’t turn out so good for me. It’s a funny game when you enter a bus and your one of the first people on and you have to choose your seat. There is an art form to it that I don’t seem to be very good at. But so far these are the rules I’ve paid severely for to learn. I give them too you with the hope that you understand and learn.

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RULES OF THIRD WORLD LOCAL BUS SEAT SELECTION
BY TIM VAN KOUWENBERG

Step 1 -- Carefully and quickly scan the bus

If you’re lucky enough to be the first one on the bus look at the first few rows of seats in the front. Make sure there are no vegetables, chickens, or clothing on the seats. If there is you’re not the first.

Step 2 – Locate the gem seats.
Look for the odd seat or seats that the bus designer might have made a mistake on. There could be a gem seat with enough leg room to stretch out in. But be careful. These may also be the seats where all the bags of rice and shit coming in the bus get placed.

Step 3 – Move fast and choose
Move fast because the locals are experts on sniffing out the best seats in the bus and before you know it a bag of vegetables will fly past you and save the seat you were just eyeballing.

Step 4 – Secure the seat and imagine
Secure the seat you want by placing your but on it. Then try to imagine the bus completely full. No fuller. No fuller. Ok now add about twenty more people, six hundred pounds of crap and a few animals and see how it feels. If it looks bad try to move.

Step 5 – Prey
Whether its Allah or God talk to him. Give him some offering or prey - whatever it takes to strike a deal that will help you’re through this journey. The rest of the journey is up to them.


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Even though I’m kind of a Jedi bus seat picker I ended up with a bum seat that keep giving me trouble. I chose the front seat that had the wheel well under the seat. That meant my knees would hit my face if someone else sat down but there was a small probability of that since it was such an early bus and there weren’t many people on it when we left the terminal. I could hog the entire seat for the trip and other people could just sit in the back.

I was wrong. I should have remembered that no matter how many people are on a bus they will all fight for the first few rows. Fuck it was annoying. Girls keep getting on the bus and sitting on the few inches of seat left to my side. I then would have to shove into the corner and kiss my knees for a little bit. No matter how much I moved or gave them signs that I wanted them to leave they didn’t move. Damn hard headed, less than smart, Lao people. Man that can get frustrating. The funny thing was there were about twenty full seats open in the back but NO they had to come to my seat. URRRRGGG.

Finally after the second girl left I placed my bag on the remaining part of the seat and tried to continue to sleep. That didn’t work since the next girl getting on just picked up my bag and threw it at me so she could sit down. I was pretty pissed and took up about eighty percent of the chair just to piss her off. She pretty much had one cheek on the chair and the other one in the air. I didn’t care and she didn’t seem to either. I keep opening my smelly armpits in the air and trying to piss her off enough to leave. She was a persistent (or maybe dumb) little punk and held through.

Finally we made it to the destination and the little pain in the ass Lao girl got off. She didn’t look to happy but screw her. There were plenty of seats in the back.

We grabbed a Tuk Tuk and headed to the downtown area to grab a hotel. We were lucky and found a pretty nice little place for eighteen dollars a night. That was about six dollars each but it was pretty pimp. I knew this was going to be a pretty gay town so I at least wanted to have a nice place to chill.

In the evening when the heat resided we headed out see the town and find something to eat. Of course we found a little place where the food and atmosphere both sucked. We were so lucky.

We were lucky though to find a nice mini mark near by that had some pretty good little treats. Those treats and some movie time was all we needed to end the day on a good note.










Feb 26
We woke up early to eat and run any final errands before we headed to the airport and get Vane to her plane. It was sad to think of having Vane leave and traveling with just Ana and me.

We grabbed a Tuk Tuk and headed to the airport after an unsatisfying breakfast. The airport to my surprise was pretty large and nice. Vane got her bags checked in and we waited with her till the last minutes before heading out. It was sad to see her leave and as we left the airport it felt lonely again.

We grabbed another Tuk Tuk to the Vietnamese embassy to get our visas. We wanted to nail those down first thing so we didn’t get caught in this town too long waiting for them. Man that would suck since the town isn’t that interesting.

Of course when we arrived to the embassy it was closed for lunch for two hours. That is so frustrating. So we walked over to a local shop and grabbed some food. I had a great little yellow noodle soup and Ana had nothing. She’s not so hot on much of the food and wasn’t really in the mood to eat. I was hungry since I didn’t eat breakfast because my stomach was off. I was still fighting off the sickness and that warm soup was helping.

After lunch we grabbed yet another Tuk Tuk to take us about a mile down the street to the “most important monument in all Laos”. Sounds pretty cool but in Laos that doesn’t mean much. But it was still something I was willing to spend a few dollars to see.

The Golden Stupa was pretty cool and we spend about twenty minutes walking around and taking some pictures. I didn’t really expect much and for that reason wasn’t that disappointed.

A couple “Click Clicks” and away we went back to the embassy to hopefully seal the deal on our Vietnamese visas. We headed in the gates and looked for the right office. Since there was only one person in the entire complex things weren’t looking good. But in time our guy showed up and we were able to process our visas in a matter of minutes. It was great and we only had to pay another twenty dollars to get it right then rather than wait a few days. We were both pretty happy at how painless the process was.

We jumped in yet another Tuk Tuk and headed back to the main part of town where our hotel was. We chilled for a little bit in the room then headed out onto the three restaurant town to get some dinner. We had eyeballed a place when driving in the taxi and returned there for dinner. It looked like a pretty sharp place and had of all things, wagon wheels as a theme. It was pretty funny and seemed really American.

Dinner turned out to be ok and neither of us was too excited about our food. Poor Ana has really been getting some bad meals and I can tell she’s getting tired of it. I will have to find her some good food soon before she turns into a tiger. That could be real trouble.

We hit the local mini mark to grab some snacks to eat while watching yet more television. The snacks helped ease the tension in our unhappy stomachs and eventually we both found our way into Sleepland.










Feb 27
We decided to wake up late and do nothing this day. We had a great room with a TV and that was enough to keep us busy in this little funky town. We’ve been spending allot of time in the rooms we’ve been getting instead of heading out to see the city. To me this is a sure sign that were getting bored and we need to keep moving and find things more interesting.

Around lunch time we headed out to grab some food and run a few errands. We needed to figure out where we were headed next and if we wanted to fly their or bus. I was really looking forward to flying but in the end it was just too expensive and didn’t get us to the places we wanted to go. So we bought another twenty-four hour overnight bus – YEAH! Oh how I love those damn things. Fuck another bus ride. I swear if I, When I, Should I, Oh you know what I mean. Damn I hate buses.

After getting the tickets, some American dollars, and my new book for the bus called “Don’t Jump” we headed to the river to grab some dinner. We had seen allot of small tents and food vendors there the other day and thought we would give them a try. They couldn’t suck as bad as all the other places we’ve eaten at so far in this town.

As we were walking down and trying to find a quazi clean food vendor the clouds started to look pretty mean. There was allot of lightning and the air was ripe for rain. I told Ana lets just eat fast and hope the rain stays away.

After finding a nice vendor we grabbed a table next to the Mekong River bank. The river was really low at this time of year and we pretty much were sitting on the edge of a huge dry field with the water about a thousand feet away but it still was cool. I’m sure when the rainy season comes the river is quiet a site to see.

For dinner I ordered a first time large piece of pork ribs. They have always looked good on the grill but I was afraid of the sanitary. But since I had just bought a full role of toilet paper that evening I was ready for anything. Ana got some fried rice and we sat there watching the skies get darker and the lightning get stronger. It was a really magical night and I love that feeling right before a rain storm is about to hit. I get ants in my pants and get all excited. Especially since I’m from California where it never rains let alone lightning.

Sure enough about the time my pork ribs hit the table the large rain drops started falling. Large rain drops are a sure sign it’s about to pour down on us. I ordered and umbrella and a coke.

Meteorologist Tim Van Kouwenberg was accurate on his forecast since about two minutes after I ordered the tent it started raining hard. It was really funny to watch the guys trying to set up the umbrellas as we ate as fast as we could. It kind of sucked because the meet was really good. In the end umbrellas filled with holes didn’t really stop the rain as much as divert it for a little bit or maybe funnel it into a larger more “waterfall” like stream coming down on us.

We finally finished, paid and ran down the road back to our hotel. The hotel wasn’t far but we got pretty wet. It was fun and we jumped on the bed for a foursome that night TV, AC TV, and AV.