Tim_Feb 28 - Mar 14 (Vietnam)
Feb 28
That day started like many other days with me having to throw my butt out of the bed and the weight of it drags the rest of my body out. This day was particularly hard since I knew I would be sleeping in a bus that night which was for sure going to be hell. I was trying to prepare myself for the journey the second I got out of bed. In the bathroom mirror I started slapping myself and saying things like "You can do it Tim! - Your my nigger Tim! - Just cause girls think your a nerd doesn't mean your not hung like a horse!". In no time I was pumped and ready to drink my raw eggs and play my Rocky songs on my MP3 player.
With a couple girly style pushups under my belt Ana and I hit the streets to start the day. Of course the girls outside noticed I had been working out and immediately started whistling and blowing kisses my way. Ana got pissed so I laid low and tried to stay cool while we were eating lunch at a local place.
With the girls still on my tip we headed to the local internet place to try and catch up on our blogs. I spent about the next three hours watching the day start to turn sour. First it started off that my computer couldn't make apostrophe marks. Instead I got a dumb ass Latin "e". What the hell was that. I ain't no menudo eating beaner? Anyways essay I continued to type and sure enough the internet started sucking hard. I mean like an old hooker in New York hard. People started leaving and I stayed there watching each page build letter by letter. You know I'm not even going to tell you the rest of my computer problems because I'm started to get mad just thinking about it. I don't want to get mad because bad things happen when that happens.
So with my blood pressure skyrocketing I left the cafe and hit the hot streets to eat another meal before we hit the bus. Of course the shake I ordered was horrible and the flies seemed to all be headed my way. What was going on? I tried to remain cool but things were going downhill and I hadn't even gotten on the overnight bus yet. Shit.
We headed back to our hotel after eating to wait for the mini van that was going to pick us up between 4 and 5:10pm. 5:10 pm my ass. No one in Laos uses the ten minute marks when they talk about time. I knew it was going to be bad the second I heard that. If they would have told me something like we'll pick you up in the mini van between Feb 28 and June 30th I would have believed them more. But ten minutes!
Sure enough after waiting till 5:30 pm Ana ran to the local travel agency to see what the hell was going on. They said they were going to be at our place in four minutes. What the hell was that? Who are these people?
Of course fifteen minutes later the van finally showed up. I could tell it was ours because there were about twenty people too many on the inside and bags all over the roof of the mini van.
It took about ten minutes to get to the bus station where the fun started the minute we got off the bus. First the driver tells us wait here that another bus was coming for us. Then the guys on the ground - who know who the hell they were started telling us get on the bus to Hanoi. I said why aren't we on the bus that says Hue right next to it. That was where we were headed and didn't that make sense. Oh no the Hanoi bus goes to Hue. We don't have to transfer. Then I said the people going to Hanoi have to transfer then. No this bus goes to Hanoi. But if that bus goes to Hanoi then this one doesn't, but when they transfer the other one doesn't go but waits and all that in Hanoi yes. Yes. No Yes. Yes. No Yes. No. No. Ok put our bags on and let's go.
Finally we were on the bus that said Hanoi and somehow we were going to make it to Hue? Whatever. In the end I told a girl that if we don't make it to Hue I was going to take her shoes. She laughed but I told her I was serious. They were too small for me but I could give them to my nieces as a present and they would think I actually bought them for them.
Slowly over the next hour small mini van buses started dropping off groups of people like us. More and more keep pilling on. I knew it was trouble and told Ana save our seat no matter what. I told her to use the karate moves we learned in our classes we took or use the switch blade she had in hidden between her butt cheeks. Whatever it took.
As the bus filled it started getting horribly hot and crowded we jumped in our seats and secured our place. Sure enough about the time we were going to leave the bus filled up and another group arrived. As soon as the last two girls got on board they threw a couple large boxes in the bus to block the walkway, shut the door, and took off. There were four backpackers standing up and they started yelling that they had no seat. I could tell the driver and his helpers had done this scam before and were trying to get as far away from the bus station as possible so no one could jump off. The large boxes were in the way of the girls getting off and talking with the guys driving. I told the girls they better get off right now or they were going to have to sit and sleep in the isle for the entire twenty four hour trip. They were all pretty timid except one girl from Israel. I wasn't surprised to see that. She was a little firecracker and started yelling at everyone.
The girl from Israel kept yelling and eventually the bus pulled over and was doing something with the bus. She went to the front and took the seat of one of the helpers. They got in a pretty violent argument and he started grabbing her and started to try and get her out of the seat. But she finally gave in and headed to sit down in the isle of the bus.
Of course she sat right next to me and started talking "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhumas this and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuymas that!. Fuck she was right next to me and theirs only one thing I hate more than people who hate other cultures and that's the Israelis. Man I couldn't believe it she was right next to bumping up against me and trying to take the leg room under my legs. Fuck what a little pain in the ass she was. To top things off she leaned her damn guitar she drags around right against my shoulder. But I only had to give it one good shrug to keep it off. Backpackers with guitars don't want you messing with instruments. There more precious than babies to them. Freaking hippies.
There I was in a crowded bus with no leg under or in front of me because of the large sacks of food they placed under them. The air was hot and humid and smelled of hippie armpits and dreadlocks and to top it off Mrs. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhumas this and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhumas that was out of control. Oh man we were only about ten feet from Vientane and that much had happened. What a day I was having.
I tried to meditate and lower my blood pressure over the next couple hours. But every few minutes I was fighting to keep what leg room I had away from Mrs. Humus. She was driving me nuts and seemed to think the bus was hers since she had to sit on the floor. At one point a guy commented about her guitar and said if she could play it. I put my nail clippers on my jugular and was ready to snip down when she said "I'm a little tired now but maybe we can play later". I was relieved but I keep my nail clipper close just in case.
Around 9:00pm we stopped to eat. Who the hell eats that late is beyond me but what the hell I got a chance to stretch my wings and relax a little. The place they stopped was great and the bathrooms were in the back garden. It's always nice to take a leak in someone's backyard while the neighbors look and laugh.
We hit the road after dinner and things started to settle down a bit and I started getting sleepy. I fought to stay up so that once I fell asleep I could stay sleeping. Eventually though I couldn't help it and I started to fall asleep. The first thing to fall asleep was my legs. They were pinned down in a weird contorted position which I think aided in their ability to fall asleep so easily. Second was my butt. My old broken tailbone from skydiving helped me out there. Thirdly my left arm and pancreases. Then eventually I fell asleep.
Mar 1
Sometime around 2:00 the bus stopped again at a dinner looking place. It was another chance to eat. Man who were these Vietnamese people. Everyone got off the bus and the first thing I noticed was the weather. It had gotten colder and we must have been higher in the mountains. I did remember a couple times become semi conscious and seeing the bus going up some pretty steep hills. A few times they even had to go into first gear. They were steep.
Ana and I got out of the bus and hung out for a while. The air was pretty cold and we eventually got our sweaters to put on. That was really cold for this area. About an hour passed and everyone started wondering what the hell was going on. The driver was spread out across the steering wheel and the seat and I guess we were resting for a while? Who knows on those trips?
I decided it was time to chill and lay down for a little bit. The only place to lie down was on the bed of a large semi truck that was parked near by. The bed of the truck was made of wood and there were a few planks missing so Ana and I had to lay a few feet apart with a hole between us. I'm pretty sure the bed of the truck was dirty but who cared I was able to lay flat and it was three in the morning. Eventually about ten people were strewn across the bed of the truck looking up at the sky. It was a beautiful night and the moon was almost full. You could hear the small crickets and birds in the surrounding jungle and things in my opinion could have been worse.
After a while Ana grew cold and went back into the bus to grab our sleeping bag. The bus was really stuffy and humid and smelled like dirty hippie backpackers so we decided it was better outside with the cold. Ana decided she wanted to lay with me and the blanket since she felt bad hogging it. I said if she could fit on the small area I was laying then I was game. Sure enough if we both went on our sides we fit. The only thing was that if I rolled over to my left I would fall off the side of the truck. It was about four feet in the air so I'm sure there was a good chance I could mess up my more than beautiful face. That worried me but in the end I held her close and our body heat felt nice.
About two hours later I woke up immediately and checked if our bus was still there. All the people who were on the truck trailer with us were gone. I think they all got too cold and headed inside the bus. Luckily our bus was still there and I was happy to see that. Unluckily I felt like a paraplegic since my entire right side was frozen dead numb.
Eventually I regained feeling back in the side of my body and I was able to get up and walk again. People were starting to go into the cafe and eat a little. We went in just to sit in the chairs and chill after our wonderful nights sleep in the backend of a semi trailer. What the hell were we doing there? I can't answer that question but I find myself asking myself that question allot.
Around 6:30 which was 4.5 hours after we had arrived the bus started up and was ready to go to the border which opened up at 7:00am. Why the hell we waited there for that long was beyond me. Why we didn't leave three or four hours later is beyond me. It was Laos and I didn't try very hard to answer the questions I knew there was no answer too.
We reached the border sometime around 7:00 and got stamped out of Thailand. That process was interesting since we had to start using the old push and shove techniques we had learned in other countries. It was funny but next thing you know I was in the front of the line fighting off the locals who were reaching in to get their passport stamps. I felt right at home shoving them and using my backpack to shield. I'm big so I can hold off a good ten of those little nippers.
I finally got my passport in the door and grabbed a bunch of one's from the other backpackers on the bus. We got a pile together and dropped them in front of the guy. After about ten minutes he stamped ours and we were off. It was really funny to watch the other backpackers get walked over by the locals. They were little two foot high "Mun Chi Chi's" pushing over large European guys. They would make a funny face and look at them as they passed and went to the front. I on the other hand leaned into them and would have farted in their face had I had one in the chamber. It felt natural to me and it really showed how experienced we were compared to the other people.
After getting our passport we walked up the hill for about a half mile to reach the entry point for Vietnam. The two Japanese travelers we had met earlier were with us and I could tell they were experienced in this crap. They were moving fast just like us. We both understood that you need to move fast because if you don't there's a good chance you'll miss your bus or something like that. They don't care and they don't count. We had already given them our tickets which gave us absolutely no leverage and they had no problem leaving us in the dust. I had also read in the book that this happens to allot of people and I didn't want to be one of them.
We jumped in line at the Vietnamese check point and hoped for the best. Communist officers can be real power hungry dicks and we were Americans which didn't help at all. We filled out paperwork and handed in our passports. Sure enough I was the first and the guy started looking closely at my passport. Since there are so many stamps he was looking really closely. He started feeling the Brazilian visa which was a little funny and taped in. He also started looking at the Egyptian visa which were actual stamps we had to lick and place onto the passport. He spent about five minutes examining the passport and I hoped for the best. The Spanish guy next to me handed his passport to another guy and he began inspecting it. He asked in broken English for a ID card. The guy said all he had was the passport. The Vietnamese officer threw the passport back on the counter and said "No enter Vietnam" quickly and looked away. What a DICK. Fuck was I going to have the same trouble. I waited nervously. I didn't want to have to backtrack to Laos. That would really suck.
Luckily after a little bit he decided I was ok and stamped my passport. He also grabbed Ana's and did the same after some inspecting. Yeah we made it through ok. At least so far.
The Spanish guy was able to get through as well after he found his driver's license and gave it to the officer. The officer seemed to be sweating him like some kind of joke. He was laughing with his other friends. What a group of assholes. Fuck I hate those shits. In those moments I imagine coming in with a gun and blowing them all away and laughing at them. But that's only my Rambo side and in a few minutes I'm cooled down and back to normal.
After sending our bags through the scanner we headed outside to try and figure out if we were staying on the same bus or transferring onto a new one. We still didn't know what the hell we were doing and we stuck close with the two other Japanese guys that were headed to the same place we were. They seemed like pretty cool cats and in general I really like the Japanese people.
Sure enough we were transferred to another bus. The same damn bus I though we should have gone on in the first place. It was the grey bus that had "Hue" on the front. Ana and I had argued for about twenty minutes trying to figure out why we weren't on that bus. Those fucking dicks had lied to us to get us on their bus so they could make the money off us. If we had been on the other bus there would have been enough seats on the bus for everyone. FUCKKKKKKKKKK. I hate these little scandalous FUCKERS. Man I can't deal with these people anymore. I've been dealing with guys like that for a year and I just can't take it. God I wish I was in my country cause I'd kick their asses. But were in a Communist country where they hate American's and everyone is buddy's with everyone. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers. Ok I feel better.
We got on the grey bus and I tried to settle down. I was pretty sure there were other people headed to Hue but about five minutes after we got on we were headed out. All the other people on the bus were locals and they had gotten threw all the visa crap quickly and I was glad we had done the same. I'm sure they would have left without us if we hadn't moved fast.
Later on we found out that the original bus we were on headed for Hanoi stayed at the border for three hours waiting for an American girl who had trouble with her visa. They said she needed to go back to Vientiane to get another visa. The one she had was bad but for two hundred dollars they would fix it. Those pricks were sweating her for money. Fucking dicks.
Anyway we were on our way towards Hue - or at least that's what we thought we were headed to. The bus ride to Hue ended up not being too bad and we were pretty much the only backpackers on the bus. We stopped in a couple places for food. In one of the places the younger looking Japanese guy had a kid come up and start massaging his shoulders. He didn't want it but was too nice to stop the kid so he sat there and let him go. He looked pretty bad but the Japanese guy just keep laughing and shrugging his shoulders. It was a really funny sight. At one point the kid stopped massaging and grabbed his neck and cranked it hard and to the left. There was a cracking noise followed by the Japanese guy saying "Uggggggghhhhhhh!". It was funny and the kid proceeded to crack his neck the other way. Ana and I just keep laughing.
We drove for the rest of the day till about 7:00 that night. The country was really beautiful to my surprise. I'm not sure what I expected but it wasn't that. There were TONS of rice fields and people working them by hand. They all had those little rice cone shaped hats and it was really cool to see. They use those hats all over the place and it was more like what I had expected to see in China. But we only saw those types of hats in the far South. Funny.
The one other thing that I noticed everywhere was the Vietnamese flag. It's a red flag with a huge yellow star in the middle. They had the flag everywhere and it almost seemed like the government made them put it there. That or the people are EXTREAMLY patriotic. I have a feeling it's a government thing because I must have seen a flag on at least every other building for the entire day.
Around 7:00pm the guy told us we were in Hue and to get off the bus. He said five minutes that way. We were in the middle of nowhere and we had to trust he wasn't lying to us. We got off and sure enough there were about ten guys on mopeds waiting for us. Damn it was an ambush and we were in trouble. The bus driver threw our bags in the street and zoomed off into the distance.
There we were in the middle of nowhere with moped drivers all over us like flies on shit. We tried to figure out where we were but they just keep grabbing our bags and putting them on their mopeds and telling us to jump on. We told them relax and tried to figure out where the hell we were and where we were going. They were saying it was five dollars to get into town. Idiots that would be twenty dollars for all of us. Fuck I could buy a moped for that.
Eventually the chaos and mopeds jackasses was too much and we decided we were going to walk to town with the other two Japanese guys. Of course the moped gang followed us and were being real assholes. I told Ana there was no way in hell I was going to give these guys money. Fuck them. I'd rather walk all night than pay them. She agreed.
As we started to walk we noticed a guy with a small truck. I motioned him to stop and started walking over to him. The guys on the mopeds swarmed him and started yelling at him to go away. WHAT DICKS! Little fuckers didn't want us talking to him and they were trying to scare him off. I was getting pretty pissed and shoved a couple of the little shits out of the way to talk with the driver. The whole scene was out of control and I was getting pissed. Eventually we yelled at each other for a while and the guy in the little truck left. They had scared him off by screaming at him. FUCKERS. Man I wish I had my mace out. I'd spray them in the face with it.
We started walking down the road and they continued to follow us and stop right in front of us. I told them to FUCK OFF! And there was no way in hell I was going to ride with them. That had no effect on them. Eventually as we kept walking a few of them took off realizing there was no way we were giving them business.
At one point a local bus slowed up and motioned him to stop and pull over. The moped dick headed straight for the drivers window and I headed straight for the door. The door opened and I jumped in. I was in and they would have to try and pull this two hundred pound corn feed American out the door. It would take about twenty of them to do that.
Eventually after some more screaming and chaos the driver shut the door and we were on our way. A couple times I started yelling really loud with my penetrating voice to just go and FUCK these other guys. The driver was confused but after negotiating six dollars for all of us to go to town we were on our way. HAAAA you fucking moped dicks. Take that. Man I was pissed. We had gone through twenty four hours of hell and we had to deal with this shit. I slept on a flat bed of a semi truck the previous night and I wasn't in the mood to deal with shit. I'm glad I didn't smack or punch anyone in that heated battle to get to town.
But we were on our way to the center and all was better. The driver and a couple passengers were laughing and I think they knew what we were fighting for. They seemed to be happy we told those guys to fuck off. They keep smiling and laughing. When we finally got to town we got off and the older guy shook all of our hands. It was pretty funny and I think he was telling us to keep fighting.
We were all pretty tired but still had a couple miles to walk to get to our hotel. I knew where we were from the bridges and the river and in no time we were headed to our part of the city. The Japanese guys were pretty amazed at how I knew where to go but I've had allot of experience with that and I'm pretty good at direction when it's logical. But if you give me names of streets and stuff I'm a gonner. That's where Ana comes in. She's great at that stuff.
Finally we made it to our part of town and found a hotel. It looked really nice and had AC, TV and hot water for eight dollars. That was a killer deal and we took it.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh the room was wonderful. Ana jumped in the shower and I followed her. Sure enough she had used all the hot water and I got a cold unsatisfying shower. Will this day never end?
It was around 9:00pm before we got out of the room and hit the town for dinner. I was preparing myself for a horrible dinner but in the end it turned out to be pretty damn good. I had a burger and a coke which they did a pretty good job on.
After our belly's were filled we headed back to the room to sleep on a real bed not a semi flat bed.
Mar 2
We both woke up pretty late and spent the morning chilling and trying to recharge our batteries. The television was great and a few hours of mindless staring was just the cure.
Around noon we rented a couple bikes from the local shop and hit the town. The town was absolutely covered from head to toe with mopeds and bicycles. They were everywhere and it was nuts. Bicycling though in the madness wasn't that bad since there were so many other bikes and there weren't that many large trucks.
We cycled past the massive Vietnamese flag in the heart of town and then into the Citadel walls. It was a pretty relaxing ride and we were enjoying ourselves. The nice thing about being on a bike is no one can bother you with "Want bicycle ride" or "motorcycle ride, good price". I was really enjoying that part of the trip.
Eventually we made our way to a little local museum we had heard about from some other people. As soon as you entered the gates you could see the tanks and armored vehicles displayed on the left. There were about six in total and they looked really cool. We wandered over on our bikes to check them out.
I grabbed the camera and started taking some photos and admiring the vehicles. The one thing that was really interesting was that the tanks weren't that badly damaged. They seemed to be really new which was unusual to see. It made sense since the war was only about thirty years before but it was a little disturbing to see. Many parts of the tanks were rusted but there were rubber hoses and things that were still in pretty good shape. That was weird to see and somehow made things seem more real. I've seen a ton of museums on this trip and they all seem to feel more like a movie than a real thing that happened. I always try to visualize what happened but somehow it always feels far from me. A world away. But when I was looking at those tanks it felt close. Seeing the painted "US ARMY" on the sides of the tank felt close. I think the fact that my dad was part of the war also brought the idea home. My dad never saw combat but he was stationed in Northern Thailand for a year. His life was affected by that war and that made it seem so personal to me.
As I wandered through the tanks a local guy on a moped drove up and started checking out the tanks as well. He looked Vietnamese to me and it was weird to watch him jump all over the tanks like a kid. These were my tanks. They were from my country and watching him look through them somehow burned something inside of me. They had our tanks on display like trophies. The language on the signs said something to the effect of "M4 tank won in victory over enemy". What the hell was that. It was really weird and gave me insight into how the people and the government thinks. The whole situation was weird and there was something I didn't like about it. Part of me wanted to take the tanks back home with me or destroy them. They didn't deserve them. It was a weird feeling being the country on display.
After the tanks we headed to the little museum inside. It didn't look like much but for a dollar to enter what the hell we'd check it out. Sure enough it turned out to be more interesting than it looked. On the right side they had the "museum" dedicated to the war. I was interested in seeing that and really interested in seeing how they see the war.
Sure enough it only took about two minutes for me to start becoming really pissed off and disturbed. They had images all over the place with titles that were ridiculous. There were pictures of Vietnamese guys holding human heads and the description said "Here are the American enemy playing games with North Vietnamese heads". It fucking pissed me off and I couldn't believe the shit I was seeing. America is no saint but the shit they were saying was TOTALLY and one hundred percent biased. Everything was about how the South was so bad and how America was so bad as well. I'm sure we have blood on our hands but FUCK that museum. I've never been so pissed off in my life. I left after a little bit and was mad that I actually gave money to support that shit. I actually was starting to not like the idea that I was giving any money to Vietnam.
In the end when I cooled off I was glad I went to that museum. It challenged my views and helped me to understand more of how things work. I'm sure I'll be digesting those feeling for some time. I just don't know how I feel about this place yet. We'll see.
After the museum we headed to grab some noodles at a local little place. They turned out to be pretty good and we scarfed them down with a few cokes.
After lunch we headed to the Imperial palace to check it out. It ended up not being that interesting and not really worth the money. It reminded me allot of a Chinese temple with a slight twist.
With the day pretty much shot we headed back to the hotel and dropped off the bikes. Dinner was pretty swell and in the evening we spent some time watching the only English channel we got on our TV - HBO.
Mar 3
We woke up at a decent time to grab a moped and see a couple sites around town. As soon as we hit the hotel lobby we were being bombarded by idiots on their bikes trying to rent their mopeds to us. We wanted to just rent a moped from a credible place but we spent about the next hour walking around trying to find that place. Of course we couldn't find anything and all we did was get harassed to death by the FUCKING VENDORS. I swear I'm about to punch one of these guys in the face. I can't take it. I'm sure the vendors are going to be the reason we leave this country early. They are pure fucking assholes.
After getting fired up we headed to a local restaurant to get a coke. I couldn't take it anymore and all of them seemed to be running some kind of scam. Every time they say "Yes we have motorcycle". Then they call their buddies on the phone and have them come over. Fuck is there anyone with a real deal not some set up tourist scam!!!
In the end I was just to pissed off and told Ana I didn't want to see the dumb ass attractions around town. It was only a stupid pagoda which we've seen a hundred of and the tombs were probably gay as well. Screw it I'd rather just sit in my room with the TV. The only place in all of Vietnam I could relax and not have vendors in my face.
She agreed and we both just headed to the local internet shops to put in a little time emailing, reading the news, and catching up on our blogs.
The evening was pretty unexciting. Another day behind enemy lines.
Mar 4
We woke up early and got ready for out 8:00am bus. I was pretty excited to get out of that city and looked forward to more chaos and annoying venders in the upcoming city of Hoi An.
We sat downstairs waiting for the bus till 9:00 when our hotel manager said “sorry no bus for today, you have to take the 2:00 bus”. FUCK I knew it. Oh man I was sure I was going to hate every second of traveling on buses in Vietnam. Shit!
Luckily we’ve learned some tips since we’ve been traveling. One was if you don’t know where to book tickets and they all look the same book with your hotel. Why? Because as soon as we missed the bus he said we could go back to our air-conditioned, cable TV room to wait for the supposed 2:00 bus. We had leverage and since the service was bad he could offer us something. If we had gone with the vendors on the street they just smile and say “Sorry, cime bak at two”.
So we sat and watched some TV and I tried to keep my blood pressure down. What could I do. Eventually we headed back downstairs to wait another hour for a supposed bus to come. Sure enough the bus finally showed up and we were on our way.
The bus was jam packed with funny looking tourist. Luckily Ana and I look really cool and nothing like the other funny looking people.
The bus ride was only a little less than four hours but it seemed to take pretty long. The AC on the bus didn’t really work and I was sweating like a Israeli in a crowded market. But I tried to think cool thoughts like drinking a cold Pepsi or riding down the street in a Ferrari with a couple hot chicks in the back. Those thoughts helped and eventually close to dusk we hit town. I knew we were in town not because we were at a bus station but because we were at a hotel. The driver stood up and said we are in Hoi An and you can come to check out this hotel. If you like you can stay and if not we take you too another hotel. Screw that crap. We grabbed our bags and hit the streets.
After walking about twenty minutes we made it to the hotel part of town and I sat down for some iced coffee and Ana went to go check out the hotels. It was nice to be the sheriff of the bags while Ana went to various hotels asking if they had room and walking up all the stairs to see the rooms.
In the end we found a pretty nice place that would work for the night. The TV only had local channels and that was a sure sign we were headed out the next day. But for one night it would work.
For dinner we found a local place with food that tasted pretty pour. But it was food in our stomachs and that’s all we needed for the night.
We crashed on our hard foam beds for the night.
Mar 5 – 10
I’m going to shorten the next five days since there pretty damn boring. Basically we came to Hoi An to get some tailor made suits and clothing done up for us. We spent most of our time doing just that. Five days may seem like allot but when you have to find the right tailor in over two hundred shops and then pick the material and be fitted several times it really burns the days.
In the end Ana and I spent over five hundred dollars getting two suits, nine shirts, four pants, two skirts, a dress and two pair of shoes made. A large pile of junk we had to send to the post office. We also bought eighty dollars worth of DVD’s, which will be sent home as well. Man I hope all that junk makes it to my home and not the home of some Vietnamese punks. We’ll see.
The town is a cute little town and not so massive and grandiose as Hue. It’s got an old small feel to it and we spent many afternoons just walking around or riding our rusty old bikes down its streets. To my surprise we didn’t get hurt which on these roads is a pretty lucky think to say.
One thing we also did which I enjoyed was that we headed to a local Buddhist temple to light some incense. Actually we light a whole pack of incense and it smoked out the temple pretty good. We looked like amateurs trying to light the sticks as the ashes would fall and burn our hands. But in the end we got the incense up in front of three Buddha’s and prayed for a young healthy baby. Yeah that’s what I said we want to have a baby. Ever since the end of the trip I’ve been really looking forward to the next part of my life. Having my travel bug out of the way has really opened up my eyes and created a gap for the rest of my life. I want some little babies and this was the first time we both really did something other than talk about it. It was a nice moment and I hope Buddha, God, or whoever is looking over blesses us with a happy healthy child.
Talking with our tailor “Tung” gave us the idea to go to the temple. She said a member of the Rolls Royce family prayed in that temple and shortly after found out they were pregnant. They had been trying for a couple years so it was a big surprise to them. If they can do it why not us? That’s why we bought some incense and a lighter and hit the temple. We want a little baby and I have a feeling if were lucky enough to have one it’s going to be a girl. Little Sophia will be her name.
Babies and mushy stuff aside the town was pretty laid back and fun. We didn’t do much other than buy cloths but to me that was just fine.
Mar 11
We woke up early to catch out bus to the airport. I wasn’t too sure about the flight but what the heck it would save us 24 hours on a dumb ass train. I was excited about this since in the past we would have taken the train and saved those twenty extra dollars. But the trip was almost over and we were riding in style. The plane it was and we were in the back of a old taxi headed there in no time.
The trip to the airport went pretty smooth and we waited in the small terminal with a bunch of other tourist for about an hour before the plane showed up. We were taken to the plane in a bus that looked pretty sharp. I was impressed and was glad we weren’t being taken to plan in a donkey and cart.
Once we got to the plane there was the usual mad tourist rush for our assigned seats. Got to love that. But I was in front politely pushing people out of the way and telling Ana to hurry up.
The plane from the outside didn’t look too good. It was kind of dirty and looked old. Once we got to the seats and sat down I realized that this plane sucked. They seats were made for midgets like the buses. In all the traveling I’ve done I’ve never seen a plane like this one. I couldn’t believe it, this plane was a piece of shit. I wiggled my way into the seat near the window and I barely fit with my knees pressed firmly against the seat in front of me. I was so tight the seat actually fell forward. What the hell was that? To top things off the window shades on the three windows near me were either cracked or starting to fall off. This plane was in the worst condition I’ve ever seen a plane this large. It was bad and that didn’t make me feel better.
Eventually the plane filled up to it’s limit with annoying tourist and we were headed to the runway. Man I’m starting to really hate this country and cant wait to get out. If we survived to Saigon (or the more currently correct name “Ho Chi Minh City” or for short HCMC) it was only a few more days and I was gone. That was a nice thought.
Once on the runway I must say I was a little nervous. I don’t like the idea of a crappy plane on take off. If something goes wrong on the take off were dust. Luckily the hunk of junk made it into the sky and soon enough we had enough altitude to at least make a proper crash landing.
The flight in general went pretty well. I had forgotten to take my Dramamine till the last minute so I decided to just skip it and not worry. It was only an hour long flight and how bad could that be?
Of course the only flight in about ten years I’ve taken without Dramamine started getting shaky on landing. FUCK. I saw there was a barf bag in the broken seat pocket in front of me and that gave me a good feeling. If I had to get rid of my breakfast I ate least had a take away bag close.
On landing for some reason the pilot cruised at a low altitude for about twenty minutes turning and moving all over the place. Of course my stomach didn’t like that and neither did my mind as I heard the engine constantly being brought up and down. It seemed like the pilot didn’t really know what he was doing and was just following the curvy rivers below.
My stomach started gurgling and moving about ten minutes before we landed. Man I was happy once we finally touched the ground. That plane is a crash landing waiting to happen and I was glad we weren’t any part of it. We taxied to our area and were let off the plane and back on sweat Vietnamese ground. Thank Buddha.
We got our bags and headed out into the crowd of touts to grab a taxi. Luckily in HCMC they have taxi’s with actual meters. Man it was great. We just got in and told him our hotel. Then with no arguing, fighting, teeth pulling, frowning, or farting in the cab and leaving we were on our way. The numbers on the meter keep adding till right around eight thousand penis, I mean schlongs, no wait ... oh yeah eighty thousand dongs we were there – backpacker city. I dropped Ana in the local internet place and used my large nose to smell out the best deal in town. Sure enough I found us a sweat little gem nearby. I went back and grabbed Ana and we moved in to our new home for a few nights immediately.
After putting my toothbrush in the toothbrush holder and my velvet robe, slippers, and cigar near the bed we headed out to grab some grub. Not any grub but KFC grub. That’s right we had spotted that fast food goddess on the way in and we were headed directly for with our laser beams locked.
It took about two minutes to order some grilled up bird, biscuits, and a coke. Five minutes later we were walking it to our table and ten minutes after that it was in my lower intestine being processed. Buuurrrrp…Auggghhhh. Yeah baby that hit the spot.
With our digestive system well lubricated we decided we’d walk around the city a little and check out what it had to offer. The motorcycle traffic in the city was unbelievable. There were seven million motorcycles in the city and only six and a half million people. The traffic was a sight to be seen. Every time the light turned red about five cars and at least two hundred motorcycles would build up till it turned green again. Than like a mass of pissed off bees they’d all fly out into the intersection when the light turned green. Because the other traffic usually ignored the lights this meant there was a wad of people going all different directions in the middle of the street. It took about a minute to untangle the wad and get it going smoothly. About then the light would turn again and the maze of chaos would start again. Capital N – Nuts.
After walking for a while we decided we had enough for the day and retreated back to our room. We were tired of the chaos and just wanted to relax for a while. It didn’t take long to fall asleep that night.
March 12
We didn’t have much planned for the day so we decided to relax and sleep in for the morning. It was great to relax and I tried to enjoy the peace and quiet that soon would be gone. We were headed back to reality soon and these magic quiet mornings were soon to be nothing but a memory.
Around noon we decided to try and walk to the Reunification Palace. This was the sight where the famous photo of the tank crashing through the gates to end the war was shot. It was a visual end to a long and bloody battle for Americans.
The palace wasn’t much to see but none the less interesting. It was a historic place and I felt like I needed to see it since I was there. The weather was getting pretty hot and we decided we’d run down the street and find a place to eat.
After walking around for a little while we found a little local place that looked like it served good “Pho”, a local famous noodle soup. We ordered up and a couple of not so clean looking bowls of food came out. The food ended up tasting pretty swell and was nice and light.
After eating we still had a little time to burn till the museum nearby opened. We decided to try a Mocha Coffee drink from the local fancy pants place. The drink was expensive but oh so good. They had little mist sprayers going and it really helped to offset the intense heat.
We chilled and drank our coffee for about half an hour before heading back to the “War Remminants Museum”. They changed the name from the “Chinese American War Crimes Museum” to get more tourists to go there. Nice change jackasses.
Despite the for sure slanted views and idiotic videos I was sure too see I still wanted to go to the museum. We paid our “Dong” for the tickets and walked in. By the way what kind of dumb ass name is that for money? Obviously it must mean something different in their language. Whatever.
On the inside of the museum were tons of tourist all flocked around the few American tanks they had their. I still don’t know what the hell happened to any of their machines. They seem to only show our tanks. I actually am interested in seeing what they used to fight the war. But the only thing I saw of theirs was AK-47’s and maybe a couple land mines.
Can you tell I’m a little pissed about the whole museum thing? I think in the end I kind of like the country and it’s people. It’s hard to see past my anger, the over worn tourist trail and the damn vendors. But past that from what I can see is a pretty expressive, ingenious, and strong people. Now back to the bitching.
The first area of the museum was packed with tourist and contained walls filled with photos. Almost all the photos were donated from America and given great little headlines like “Here are the American forces killing people for games and fun” and shit like that. The images were AMAZING but the copy was ridiculous.
In the end there were about four large rooms displaying photos from the war. They mostly seemed to be taken from an American vantage point then skewed copy underneath. Great stuff. Got to hand it those Communist they know how to control their people and all the information they receive.
There were pictures of civilians that were caught in the cross fire of war. Many were ruthless shots showing the reality of what a napalm bomb can do or what happens to people that are sprayed with agent orange. They also showed allot of the deformities that happened to people who had lived in the areas that were sprayed. Tough but real.
We also got to see some of the famous Tiger Cages and different guns used for the war. On leaving the museum I was happy I went and at the same time pissed. I gave money to support something so dumb but at the same time I wanted to see it for myself. This country has been really bi-polar for my emotions.
After the museum we headed across the street to see the moderately impressive Post Office and Cathedral. After that we taxied back to our hotel area and walked around for a while. We looked at some of the local paintings and got some new prescription lenses for Ana’s glasses.
The night was pretty casual and ended like so many other night with us eating some sort of treat in front of the television.
March 13
We woke up early to catch our tour bus to the local Cu Chi tunnels. I wasn’t happy to be on a large bus with a sticker on my shirt but it was the only way to see the tunnels and it was what I had to do.
The first stop on the bus full of idiot tourist was a factory that made lacquer paintings with eggs and shells imbedded in them. It was a massive tourist trap and all the buses pilling in could barely fit. I was so happy I could hardly hold it in.
The tour showing us how they made things was a little interesting and of course ended with a walk through the tourist shop where you could buy the stuff that all the people were making. Wonderful. I had to hold myself back from buying the entire store.
Finally we got back on the bus and headed to the tunnels and the original thing I had paid to see. It took about an hour and a half to finally arrive at the tunnels. We all jumped off and headed right to the movie room to watch a brilliantly produced video straight from the jackass Vietnamese government.
The video talked about how amazing the tunnels were and how the world envied them. They were the strongest people and with their hands behind their back fought and killed off the oppressive American forces. They did nothing to the Americans and were defenseless. Their people were all hero’s and all fought because they wanted to. A single women killed ten Americans by herself. She was like Rambo. She didn’t even look like she could shoot the guy she was carrying. The video was a joke and people were talking and laughing while it was playing, including me.
Idiotic video aside we headed to the field to see the real tunnels. The first stop was the small tunnels built during the French invasion. They were pinche tiny. About three feet by two feet. When they moved in those holes they crawled on their hands and knees. It was impressive and I was getting claustrophobic just looking into the end of the tunnels. I was impressed and had to hand it to those people. They had really become human moles. I guess you can get used to allot when your exposed to it for so long.
The second exhibits were of the types of traps they made in the ground for the forces coming in. They were pretty gruesome and reminded me of the kind of traps you would set to catch animals. Some designs were simple spikes in the ground and others were more advanced with rolling spikes on wheels and things like that. Pretty rough.
The next stop on the tour was the stop I had been waiting for. I could hear the gun range in the distance and the guns being fired were not small. They were big and it for all the world sounded like a war zone. It was cool to hear and really gave the entire site a feeling of what war must have sounded and felt like.
Once at the range the tour guide asked which guns we wanted to fire the M-60, AK-47, M-16, etc. I was like a kid in a candy store. I always wanted to fire these larger guns but never really had the chance. I jumped in line and got ten rounds for the M60, and ten rounds for the M-16.
They lead me down to the range and loaded the M-60 first. The percussion of the other guns firing was loud. I grabbed the gun that was semi mounted to the wall and squeezed the trigger. Bam! Bam! The first two rounds came out. Hell Yeah that was cool. I continued to squeeze off the next ten rounds with a big smile on my face. Man that was cool.
Next was the M-16. I was interested in firing this gun because it was the gun of the American’s and the gun my dad carried. The rounds from this gun were pretty smooth. They were powerful but smooth. I was able to look through the site and have some sense of accuracy while shooting at the targets on the hillside. It was a nice experience and I felt like I could identify better with the people who had fought their.
The first rounds went pretty fast so I decided to grab ten more rounds on the M-60 and five more for the AK-47. All the ammo so far added up too forty six American dollars but it was worth every penny.
The ten rounds in the M-60 went pretty fast and I even got Ana to go down near the gun and shot a little video. She was pretty terrified of the guns and it took allot to get her down there. The AK-47 was also pretty sweat and the rounds were much more brut force in nature. I could tell the difference in the guns and I must say I prefer the M-16 over the AK-47. It just seems more accurate and smooth from distance and distance is what I would want in war.
By the end of the gun range I was sweating like a dog. The heat was pretty intense and I was all excited. We headed to the local entrance to the tunnel system and this was our chance to go in it ourselves. I was pretty excited to give the tunnels a try.
Sure enough the tour guide said here’s the entrance go ninety meters that way and that’s the exit. There are two other exits at the thirty and sixty meter marks.
I jumped in line and before you know it I was underground bent over sweating like a dog in the poorly light caves. They were about three and a half feet tall so walking was rough. They also curved about every four feet which didn’t help. There were a ton of people in the tube and it started getting a little claustrophobic. I made my way through till the thirty meter tunnel and decided I had enough. I was getting dirty and sweating like a mother f-er. Because there was no light I imagined I was making mud all over my body. I had gotten the experience and a new found respect for the people who lived in these tunnels. There some crazy mo foes.
It was nice to pop out into the daylight heat and be out of the tunnels. I was drenched and dirty but alive. I tried to cool down in the shade but that didn’t work too well. I just keep sweating and I felt like a pig. I’m sure I smelled like one as well.
That was the end of the tour and I must say it was pretty cool and terribly queso-ie. But for four dollars what could I expect. Our ride home went pretty smooth and we got back to the city sometime around 1:00 pm. We decided to take a break till later that day when the sun started setting.
Once we hit the town again we headed directly to the glasses place to check out Ana’s new eyes. They looked pretty good we ordered another new pair for her. They would be ready the next day.
After glasses we headed to the painting area to haggle and finally walk away with a nice large painting of a Vietnamese girl for forty dollars. A little expensive but a nice painting.
Dinner was at the local place where we got some Saigon pizza. It turned out to be pretty killer and we were excited. It tasted pretty much like what you would expect from back home.
After dinner we hit the rice sack early. We were going on another tour the next day and had to be up early again.
March 14
We got our butts out of bed yet another time early to catch a tourist bus. Man what can I say were living the life.
Once on the four wheeled tourist mobile it took about two hours to reach the Mekong Delta. That’s where the Mekong finally reaches the ocean after traveling from Tibet, China, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, then Vietnam. It was all pretty unexciting and the only reason I was there was because Ana wanted to go.
The first thing we did was jump on a large local boat and cruise down the river. It was pretty nice but nothing spectacular. We then jumped onto a smaller boat to go deeper into the mainland and see the place where they made coconut candy ..ohhhhhhh.
Once through the cheesy tour we got to sample the candy which was pretty good. So good we picked up a little pack of them for later. The candy tour was over and we were back onto a small boat then back onto the large boat where we went to yet another island to eat lunch.
Lunch was pretty good and was a large plate of fried yellow noodles with vegetables. It’ll do little donkey.
After lunch we got back on our boat then transferred to yet another smaller paddle boat. With our Vietnamese lice infested tourist hats on we headed again into the mainland down a small river passageway covered in palm trees.
We then got to taste some local fruits that were pretty un-amazing and listen to some local music that sounded like to wet cats fighting. Lovely.
Then back on yet another boat that took us back to our bus and then back to the city. The day was way to exciting and I had to try not to write more than thirty pages just on this exciting day.
Being back in town was nice and I was starting to get tired of the crowds, tourist, and crap. It was time to head to the glasses store get Ana’s new glasses and head out. I was ready to hit the room, pack and enjoy what was left of the day.
Of course things had to go sour. When we picked up Ana’s glasses they felt a little funny to her. But she didn’t think much of it and we paid the full amount and took them. As we started walking around the streets she said something was wrong with them and they were giving her a headache after only ten minutes. Shit.
We headed back to the store to see what we could do. Of course we got the run around and the head guy didn’t want to give us our money back. In the end we got in a pretty heated debate over him taking back the lenses and giving us our money back. He kept saying the measurements were right and he didn’t know why it was wrong. It was a frustrating time and both Ana and I were head to head with this guy. Finally after about twenty minutes of arguing and me threatening to stand outside his office the next day and divert all foreign business he gave us our money back. I took the money and we headed out. He didn’t seem like a bad guy it was just a bad situation.
Dinner was at a local fast food place called “Lotaria”. I even got in a little scuffle with the idiot girl at the counter. I was simply trying to ask her if the image in the picture was chicken. She was so stupid and keep repeating me. FREEAKKKIN FRACKKKKIN I’m so tired of idiot people. I’m just done.
Luckily our burgers were really good and that helped ease the tension. Finally we made it back to our room packed and laid down. I was proud of the way Ana and I had fought for our money that night. Were not the same people that started this trip. Were tougher and more expressive and I like that.
Falling asleep was easy since I knew once I did the next things was morning and the bus out of that stinking country and into another sticking county that was at least new.
posted by Tim & Ana's Travels at 9:31 PM
|
0 comments
